What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
