i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
