He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
