Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
