Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
