he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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