He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
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I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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