i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
