I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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