the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
