I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
