in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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