What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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