just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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