my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
