i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
