Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
