Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need water and some morals
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
