if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
