Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
