It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
