I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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