So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
