Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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