the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
