I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
