Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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