I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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