let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
