I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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