ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
