Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
