and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Im part way to drunk.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
