KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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