You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
