And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
