i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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