i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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