I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
