If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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