It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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