As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
