After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
