It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
