we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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