Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
