She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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