I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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