the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My dick has a subreddit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
