Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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