ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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