So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
