I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
