Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize