Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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