That's intense
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
