Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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