you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
