I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
