Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just googled if crying burns calories
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
