it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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