it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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