Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
